letters to surfers

I am involved with a married man. He says he loves me, but he cannot face filing for divorce. What should I do ?

by Robert Brow

Over twenty years ago I was an Anglican minister in Toronto. A young woman in our church was a very bright Christian. But then she dropped out, and gave up teaching her Sunday School class. A few weeks later she came to see me and said she was filled with terrible guilt because she was involved with a married man. I told her that the first thing to do was to accept the forgiveness of our loving God. "How can I do that ? I am living in sin, and don't really want to change." I told her to come to church and take communion, and I would tell her the next step after that.

"Thank you for inviting me to communion. I am glad I came. But what do I do now ? Do I just go on as before?" I told her to begin praying to the Holy Spirit and ask Him for God's kind of love for this man." Two weeks later I saw her in church, and asked her how things were going. "A most amazing thing happened. I found myself filled with a quite new kind of love for the man and his wife and children. A few days later he said "I can't go on with this. You look so radiant. It feels like being in bed with God."  We were able to talk honestly about the situation, and I told him I really loved him and could see how much he loved his wife and children. We were able to end the affair without bitterness, and all is well."  A year later that woman met the right partner, and they have two lovely children.

I am sure that adding to her guilt, and telling her to cut it out by her own strength, would not have done what the Holy Spirit did so skilfully.

Could I suggest you thank God for his great love for you, accept total forgiveness even while you are still in this situation and have no intention of changing. Then say "Holy Spirit, please fill me with your kind of love, and work this situation out in your perfectly loving way." I think you will be wonderfully surprised.

 model theology home | essays and articles | books | sermons | letters to surfers | comments